Wearing his pride on his sleeve, Justice Harvey Brownstone on the kicks that made him who he is

There have been gay judges in Canada since our justice system formed. But they were hidden deep in the closet, convinced that if their sexual orientation were ever discovered, their careers would be over. That ended in 1995, when Hamiltonian Harvey Brownstone was appointed to the bench by the NDP government, making him the first openly gay judge in Canadian history. But his path to becoming Mr. Justice Brownstone was incredibly difficult, and included some shockingly hurtful comments by his mother. It’s all in his new book ”Without Prejudice: My Life as a Gay Judge.”

Steve Paikin: There’s a quote in your book: “Everyone along the way who told me I would never make anything of myself in life, thank you for teaching me that success is the best revenge.” How influential were those people?

Harvey Brownstone: They were a prime motivator, first of all, because of my parents. They rejected me when I told them at age 19 that I was gay. They were so ashamed of me, that I had a fierce determination to prove them wrong, to gain their love. The thing about success being the best revenge is that, I thought if I made something of myself, that all of those people that put me down would eventually come to me and say, I’m sorry, I misjudged you. That doesn’t happen.

Let’s go back. You’re born in France, your mother splits with your birth father and moves to Hamilton, where her sister lived, when you were three. She then marries Sam Brownstone. When did you find out he was actually your mother’s second husband and your adoptive father?

I found out in a way that kids shouldn’t find out. One day, a neighbour said to me she thought it was so amazing that I looked like my dad. I said, “Well, why wouldn’t I look like my dad? He’s my dad.” And she said he was not, that your dad adopted you. I confronted my parents immediately. My mother sat me down and then told me the truth. I was nine years old.

What kinds of things did your classmates say to you when you were growing up?

Kids seem to be able to pick up on things that are different, that I myself didn’t understand. But from grade 4, I was “the faggot.” I was “the queer.” And when it became known that I was Jewish, I became the “dirty Jew.”

Did you, in fact, at the age of nine, know that you were gay?

No. It didn’t hit me until I was much older, when I was 14 or 15. Then I really figured it out. My biggest challenge in life in those days was getting into school in one piece and getting home after school in one piece. The bullies were relentless. Then, just before Good Friday, I had to pay the price for the fact that “the Jews killed Jesus.” I remember curling up into the fetal position, and pretending I was dead. And one of them did say, “Gee, I think he’s dead, we better go.” That was really a bad beating. But I learned never to complain, or I was gonna get into more trouble. I had a teacher who was a real guardian angel, and I have stayed in touch with her right to this day. She gave me detentions, just to keep me after school, so I would get out of there after the bullies had left.

You ran into two of those bullies years later at a school reunion. How did that go?

Both of those guys looked like life had not been good to them. They both had criminal records, they were divorced, they lost jobs, they’d been to jail. And they came up to me and said, “Well, well, Judge Brownstone, what’s it like to be a judge?” And I said, “It’s great. I get to send bullies like you to jail.” All the other classmates started applauding!

You made one of the most important decisions of your life during your first year at Queen’s University. You decided to “come out” to your parents. How did you think they’d react?

I knew my parents. I knew how much they wanted me to get married and give them grandchildren. I knew my mother had an explosive temper and was very mercurial. But I didn’t think the reaction would be as terrible as it was. I thought, how could they not already know?

Instead, your mother said: “I would rather die than have a gay son. In fact, we should both die. I can’t believe I survived the Holocaust for this! You’re having sex with other men? If I’d known you would turn out this way, I would have had an abortion. You’ve ruined my life. I wish you’d never been born.” How does a son react to a parent saying something like that?

It shook me to my core. I never thought I’d get over it. Of course, 30 years later, when I repeated those words to her, she denied ever having said them! She was just so unfiltered that she was saying whatever came into her head, without even remembering it.

Any advice for others on how to “come out” to parents?

Don’t do it when you’re financially dependent on them, because I ended up destitute and penniless. But ultimately, I am glad I did it, because everything I went through after made me what I am.

You ended up cleaning toilets and going on welfare. How did you get through all that?

I got lucky. There was a dean of residence at Queen’s that took a shine to me. He got me a scholarship as long as I maintained straight A’s. I learned where to find free food. I would show up at hotels where they had conferences, ‘cause there was always a table of muffins and Danish around 10:30 in the morning. And I’d go to restaurants around 10 o’clock at night and they’d give me the food they were gonna throw out.

There’s a shocking story in the book where you called a suicide hotline because you wanted to end it all. And they put you on hold for five minutes listening to muzak.

I just didn’t see any reason to keep living. So, I looked in a phone book, and found a suicide hotline. I thought, if they could give me one reason to keep living, then I won’t do it. And they put me on hold! As the minutes are passing, I’m getting angry. And then I thought, well, if I’m angry at being treated with such disrespect, then I can’t really want to die. So I hung up. And when I finally made some money, I sent them a donation with a letter saying, “You need better resources, and if you’re going to put people on hold, don’t put those horrible songs on!”

You graduated from Queen’s and tried to get a job on Bay Street as a lawyer, but despite great marks, all the big firms passed on you. Why?

In job interviews, I was asked about everything, except the law. One guy looked me up and down and said, “We have a baseball team at this firm. We play against other lawyers in the summer. You don’t seem like the kind of guy who can pitch very well.” I couldn’t help myself. Without missing a beat, I said, “You’re right. I’m much better at catching than pitching.” The interview came to an abrupt end. I can’t imagine why. I’m sure he thought a bisexual was somebody who only had sex twice.

Eventually, you got a job at a small criminal law firm, and you did have your moments in court. Such as?

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Every now and then, an old fart of a judge would say something inappropriate, and believe me, it happened a lot. I figured out that if I used humour against those kind of homophobic comments, I ended up winning them over. One day I had a car accident on the way to court, so I’m 15 minutes late for this trial. I said, “Your Honour, I’m so sorry I’m late. I was rear-ended on my way to court.” And the judge says, “Well, Mr. Brownstone, I certainly hope there was a car involved.” I said, “Oh, yes, Your Honour, an Italian import. Quite compact, but it gave me quite a jolt.” And what happens is that you disarm them with charm and humour.

In 1995, attorney-general Marion Boyd called you to appoint you to the bench. How did that call go?

She came on the phone and said, “Harvey, this was the easiest decision I’ve ever made as attorney-general. I’ve looked at your credentials, and I think it’s about time. I think your swearing in is going to make a big splash, and I’m going to be there.” I couldn’t believe it. And my parents were also there for the swearing-in.

You actually had a wonderful reconciliation with your mother before she died. What did she say?

She said, “You’re the best son in the world, I wouldn’t have changed anything about you. Now I can die in peace.”

How did that transition happen?

I became a judge! In fact, my mother said, “Anybody can have grandchildren, but not everybody can say their son is a judge.” The day that the government made me a judge was the day my mother no longer had to be ashamed of me.